We’re about three months out, and I’ve just canceled our 10th Anniversary Gratitude party.
To think, a couple of months ago, I was so hyped to bring in friend-ors (vendor friends), our family, our team and past clients to our studio to celebrate with us. I was going to hire a DJ, drinks and our yearly taco man stand. I wanted so much to award those that have helped us to get here and create a special stage for us. Ten years, and then some! It’s an accomplishment, yes. I should feel great right? What am I supposed to feel anyway?
I’m actually tired.
And please, this isn’t some post on “woe is me, my diamond shoes are too tight” it’s just that, this question or concept of gratitude was losing its meaning with all this event planning. The more I thought of all the things I wanted to put together, the more I felt trapped by my own design.
It has now become prudent to really answer this question. What does gratitude look, sound, and feel like? And more importantly, what does it mean to us?
Not just as a company, that will be important to draw the line later. But what does it mean for us as married partners? In the past, I would have said “married in business”. Now, I’m learning that there must be a line somehow, somewhere in all the comingling we’ve done. Now is the time to draw our line in the sand. The mission has now become, how do we give gratitude to our marriage? How do we begin to adjust our mindset from 10 years of putting our business first, before anything else? All of this is nothing, without our marriage.
I’m so tired. Not of our business, I love our business. I love this lifestyle that our work has paid for. But now it’s time. It’s our time to put that work into our marriage. I’m tired of not hearing, seeing or feeling the same dedication to our relationship. Where do we begin? How do we speak this language when every conversation is about someone else’s wedding day?
We’re so good at this. So we have the keys, and we have the drive. We know what it takes to be successful in our eyes. Let’s take this step now, one then the other, into seeing what has always been there but never attended to.
We’ve had a whirlwind year leading up to the 10th anniversary of this business. While we’ve been here a good amount of time, we’ve really just started to do things with compassion, communication, flexibility, forgiveness and more. All things that Kevin and I had to learn with each other first before we could extend it to others.
We’re still learning. All the time.
So everything is actually new and that’s why we’re tired. But I really think that’s okay. I really don’t think it’s a bad thing, I don’t write this to garner pity or concern. For me, it’s more of a resolution, a self-consoling act that puts a bow on the whole decision to be better for each other first and from there everything we want will follow.
Change is challenging and that’s okay. It’s okay to realize a party doesn’t always serve what needs to be done. So we’re pulling the troops back and regrouping and gaining insight into what really matters here. Ten years is no joke, but it’s also not a hill I want to die on.
Defining the gratitude in our marriage has to come first. What does that look, sound and feel like? Let’s put words and action to it. What’s the plan? How do we thrive together every day, in all the little and big moments of our life. Can we see, hear and feel that gratitude?
Yes. Little by little we are healing each other with this new gentle wave of thankfulness. And with each day we must start with us first, finding and creating gratitude where we can.
What can I say, my love? We are tired. We are burnt out. And that’s okay. We are just fine. We’re getting better and better. Always. We have each other and we have our gratitude. Let’s smile and know that we’ve made something very beautiful. We have much to do, but its all doable. It will all come in its own time. Let’s ride this gentle wave together now, same page, same pace.